We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
