yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
