She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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