new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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