Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
