Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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