Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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