he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
