when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
