Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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