Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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