Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
