they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
