Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
