Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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