There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
