I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
