i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
