i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
