We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
