I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize