By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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