We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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