Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
