dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
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We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
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Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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