Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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