Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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