she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
