I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
