I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
