Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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