I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
