u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
