It was confusing and full of hummus
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
