I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
