I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
