is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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