that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
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I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
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The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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