you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
