So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
