I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
