Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
