TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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