never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
