oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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