Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
