Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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