And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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