its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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