yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
