I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
