That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
