my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
