i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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