i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I've blown a few things in my day
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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