Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
