I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
