She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
