We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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