Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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