The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
