how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She needs sedatives and a leash
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
