If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
