i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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