So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
