even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
