Don't make out with my wife yet
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
