Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
