The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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