I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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