don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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